Pronouns – welcome to the new normal

In an ever-changing world language will always evolve and change and we have the choice to learn, adapt and embrace it, or be left behind.

What are Pronouns?

Pronouns are part of the day-to-day language you use when referring to other people. Typical ones are she/her and he/him.

You may have already come across pronouns. Many of you may even be already using them, you may be seeing them on email footers, especially from larger corporations. The UK SPA ASSOCIATION proudly display theirs, alongside industry leaders such as the British Beauty Council and HABIA.

Why should I use them?

In our businesses we will always get new clients so it is highly possible we have people that will use our services, or work in our teams that may identify as gender fluid, gender queer, non-binary (which can also be known as Enby), or trans. Gender is a spectrum and with a minimum 1% of the population being trans, the chances are you have already met, treated, or even employed someone who might not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. These people rely on pronouns to make their lives easier. To you a pronoun is nothing, to them it is everything.

For every gender diverse person there is a network around them – you may not see these people in your salons, but their mothers, fathers, siblings, and friends will see any effort you make to include the trans community.

When booking in a client over the phone we ask their name and unknowingly assume their gender by either the name given, their tone of voice or even what treatment they book in for. If someone is transgender, their voice may sound different to how they identify, and often does. Interestingly, it is also worth noting that medical conditions can also affect the tone of someone’s voice, and many cis women (those whose gender identity matches their gender assigned at birth) naturally have deeper voices.

Using the wrong pronoun (also known as “misgendering”) is when you gender someone incorrectly, for example calling a trans woman “he.” As you can imagine this is massively disrespectful, it makes them feel invalidated, dismissed, deeply uncomfortable and even more dysphoric.

So, what can we do? Let’s start with the easiest step you can make in your business – sharing and asking about pronouns. As someone with a name that could be any gender (Sam), I regularly used to get asked my gender on email by potential clients for waxing services, so I now add my pronouns to my booking system bio and my email signature.

They/them pronouns

Sometimes, but not always, people who identify as non-binary might use “they/them” pronouns. This may be a challenging thing to adopt to as we know this as a plural, but we use it all the time without even realising. For example, “My last client left their coat” or “I’m meeting a friend on Sunday with their partner.”

Interestingly the “they/them” pronoun has actually been used as a singular since 14th century and historically Shakespeare used it in his acclaimed work. Let’s face it, the whole English language is confusing so learning this might take a bit of practice, but it is our duty to try.

What about titles?

Chances are if you are asking for titles, it is via your booking system or to mail-out to people so all you need to do is to make sure the gender neutral one is there – Mx, pronounced “mix.” When someone who uses Mx has to give their title over the phone and the option doesn’t exist, it is disappointing for them.

What can you do in your business?

If you use a booking system that asks their gender but most out there still only offer male or female. If that person is non-binary (someone who doesn’t identify as male or female), what should they pick? I would highly recommend removing gender completely or ensuring you have other options such as non-binary, add your own, or rather not say. Pronouns as an alternative could really help here – it enables someone to state their gender identity if they wish to.

Always make this optional as we know 70-year-old Mrs Jones might not “get it” and that is ok!

Creating a custom box on your online booking system is fairly easy, and a lot of major booking systems are adding this as a feature – trust me, the rest will follow!

If your team are unsure of a guest’s gender (if you need to know it, which in most cases you shouldn’t, you could ask their pronouns. A lot of trans women will tell you their pronouns over the phone as being constantly misgendered doesn’t make for a very relaxing experience.

What can you do personally to demonstrate allyship?

Using the correct pronouns really does mean the world to a trans or non-binary person as it shows you really do respect their identity and acknowledge their humanity.

Why not add your pronouns to your email footer, name badges, booking systems, zoom name, LinkedIn, and business cards? Things like this can all start to make pronouns part of our day-to-day language.

*A quick note on saying “preferred pronouns”

If someone uses multiple pronouns, for example they use “she/them,” then they may have a preferred one, in which case this question makes sense. For now, though, I would stay away from saying “preferred” and simply saying “what pronouns do you use”?

We all have a choice to adapt to evolving language, and only by us making these changes, will it enable others to feel more validated and understood.

Sam holds monthly HABIA endorsed Trans Awareness Training Webinars, contact for details.

@betransaware

@beautygurusam

Glossary

Cisgender / Cis: When your sex/gender assigned at birth matches your gender identity. This is the correct way of saying you aren’t trans.

Transgender / Trans: When someone’s gender identity differs from that sex/gender they were assigned at birth

Non-binary: People whose gender identity doesn’t sit comfortably within established gender binaries of male or female. Non-binary identities are varied and can include people who identify with some aspects of binary identities, or none of them.

Misuse of pronouns, or Misgendering: Often, but not always, a malicious attempt to cause a trans person distress by using a form of address which does not reflect their gender identity.